On being married

“Being married takes work.”

“Being married with children takes a lot of work.”

I heard these things when I didn’t have children, but like most things in parenthood, it isn’t until it happens to you that you get it.

I’ve been married for almost six years! Six years! That’s almost a decade. And in my six years of marriage, I’ve learned a lot about myself, about my husband, about life, and about marriage.

I’ve learned that while love is important to ground a good marriage, it takes a bit more to make things continue working.

It takes, I think, a commitment to the idea that a good marriage can work and to the belief that a good marriage is worth working towards with the person you are actually married to, always.

My husband has seen me through a lot. He’s seen me through heartaches, through child labor, through graduate school, jobs, my uncle’s death, a bad facial, my father’s death. Everything.

He’s my best friend and more.

And I’ve seen him through a lot, too.

In talking the other day to a single friend who has hopes of becoming married to realize “true” happiness in her life, I smiled. Not, because I don’t think happiness isn’t possible within a marriage, but because there’s so much more to a marriage than one could imagine when one has never been married before.

It’s no “cake walk.” There are fights. There’s bad breath. There is romance, sometimes. There is heartache, sometimes. But, that which remains the same is a committment to the idea that marriage is worth it. That’s all.

How did your ideas of marriage change when you actually got married?

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