I used to think that it was something of bad luck that was standing in the way of me making it big as a actress in Hollywood. Bad luck and bad skin. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize two things. First, I don’t really want to be an actress. Two, in many cases I’ve chosen the easier path when it comes to my life’s decisions because it’s, well, easier.
I have, at times, chosen mediocrity because mediocrity was safer. I made good grades, didn’t date, wore turtle neck sweaters instead of flashy jewelry, and didn’t try to compete in my third grade spelling bee because most of my life, I just wanted to get by. Well, correction, that’s not what I said I wanted, but that’s what I did. I got by by doing just enough to be good but not enough to be great.
I did this, I realized this year, because with plans for greatness comes the potential of falling, of not making it, of others who will do things to hurt you just because they think that you think you’re so great.
But, you’re really are that great.
I got my first negative comment on my blog a week ago. I deleted it before anyone could read it and it wasn’t a big deal. But to me, it kind of was a big deal. It, or the comment, brought back up those old feelings that used to haunt me.
I don’t like confrontations and I have long wanted people to like me, so the comment hurt the old me, the old me who needed affirmation that I was OK, the old me who only did enough to stay beneath the radar of random, drive-by commentators. But the new me got over it. I drank some tea, hit delete, and went about my day.
I realize now that not everyone will like what I do in life. I realize now that more important than others liking me and my writings and my creations online and off, I must like them. I must love them because they are mine.
I must aim to be my best and not be afraid of that or negative comments or flashy jewelry.
Have you ever self-sabotaged yourself or taken a mediocre approach to something in your life out of fear of what doing better could mean?