the people who don’t like you

I read a post just now on a friend of mine’s blog that spoke to me. In the post she talked about how she often does care when she thinks someone doesn’t like her. She uses the example of a neighbor who seems close to everyone on the block except her. She goes through possible reasons why the neighbor doesn’t like her and ends with a realization, thanks to some wise words from her husband, that maybe when a person doesn’t like you, it has little to do with you and everything to do with them.

I think women often do care more about others’ perceptions. I know I seem to talk more about my concerns about people who seem not to like me. I don’t know why I care so much but I do care when someone seems to treat me differently than everyone else or when I think that someone has an issue with me.

I care too much about the people who I think don’t like me. And when I do this, I sometimes do become a people pleasure. I do try to win over people who don’t like me just because I think there is really no reason why anyone shouldn’t like me. (I say this even though this is a totally biased assumption.)

But I am learning to be different. I am learning to be okay with people in the world who may not like me, perhaps, because of how I dress, what I look like, or what my religion is. I’m okay with that. Even though I am not this kind of person, or the kind of person who would dislike someone just because of superficial reasons, I must acknowledge that there are some people out there like this. I can’t changed them. Even though the “fixer” in me wants to change them. I know I can’t.

STOP.

Do you ever find yourself caring about the person or persons who you think dislike you for reasons that have never been voiced aloud?

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6 Responses to the people who don’t like you

  1. Only You says:

    Thanks for stopping by, Jessica, and thanks for continuing the discussion. It’s a relief to know it’s not just me…I was afraid of writing that post initially because I didn’t want to sound petty, but it seems that a lot of other women feel the same way. There really are so many reasons why someone may not warm up to us. I don’t either – warm up to everyone, that is – and when I don’t know a lot of times it’s because our temperaments or styles just don’t seem to mesh or click. I have a harder time with women who are “colder” (on the outside at least) or more business like. They could be great people, of course, but it is hard to latch on to conversation and thus proceed any further. So I sometimes wonder if there are other women who might feel the same way about me – maybe I’m too touchy feely or perky, and they find it annoying 😉 I agree – the hardest part is just accepting the fact that not everyone will love us. Because we think we’re sweet and good and kind so if they don’t want to be friends with us, something must be wrong with us! But maybe there really isn’t…(see, you are my kind of girl…we think alike!!).

    • Why not dwell on people who do like you? Write about those relationships; create an aura of friendship that will draw likeable folk. Your world accepts you in direct proportion to the manner in which you present yourself. Fun people are drawn to fun; miserable ones, for whatever reasons attract misery. It is really not a troubling decision to like oneself to the point of not being affected by undesirable persons. Wondering why or trying to make any one person like you is really just as disheartening as trying to prove yourself to the entire world. Don’t waste time trying to label it; no greater reason could there be for frustration.

      • Jessica says:

        I love the way you’ve stated this. And I agree with all you’ve said. That is key, isn’t it? It’s key that we dwell on the people who do like us and love what we have instead of wishing for everything else. This is a lesson I am learning after so many years of being on the earth. Old habits die slowly…Is that the saying? I think dwelling on those who didn’t like me was an old habit that had roots in misplaced insecurities and anxieties about my worth to the world and desire to be someone else. I see those insecurities and anxieties now more clearly and am more able to see their causes, and this is how I am learning to change.

        Thank you for your comments! You always say such wonderful things!

    • Jessica says:

      Yes! And thank you for writing that post! It was something that I’ve thought about often but have never written about online. So thank you for that! We do think alike! You’re one of my online kindred spirits I think. 🙂

  2. Chaunie says:

    I absolutely do this and I will go out of my way to try to make someone like me. It’s horrible insecurity and a harsh comment (real or interpreted that way) can throw off my entire day. It’s so hard to learn to let it go, it really is. If you figure out the secret, definitely let me know!

    • Jessica says:

      Oh, I know. It is so tough. I think as I get older, I am getting a bit better. But even now, I do struggle. When, and if I do ever find the secret, I’ll be sure to write a whole post about it! lol.

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