facebook displays of affection

In case you don’t know, facebook displays of affection are public updates about things that you would have otherwise just shared with your spouse/love interest but decided instead that everyone else in your friend’s list should know about it, too. I don’t get these things. Or, I do get them and at one time in my life wanted them. I wanted my husband to be on Facebook so that we could share status updates telling the world about all the things that we’re doing that indicate that we “love” each other.

I brought it up to my husband years ago. He laughed, however, said it didn’t make any sense and would only reveal my own issues with needing public gratification. I didn’t say much then. I laughed, I think. Called him “outdated.”

But, years later, I can say he was right. I think it’s a certain kind of person, in a certain kind of marriage or relationship that thinks what they do in private necessitates “likes” and comments to know that it is good.

This is a true story so don’t laugh. I had a “friend” who would do these displays of affection on a daily basis. She would talk on facebook about the dinner she was preparing for her “baby” and say how much she “loved him.” In watching her, I always felt like crap because my husband is so old fashioned and boring that he only shares his declarations of love to me in person or by phone, maybe by a card. But online? Never. So, anyway, her updates continued for a year then stopped, suddenly. Of course, as I was a spectator to her marriage show, I wanted to know why. I learned why months later. She got a divorce! A divorce! Now this isn’t to say that all who proclaim their love on facebook to be headed towards “splitsville.” It just means that those updates you read are meaningless. So, now when I see them I don’t feel like “Oh, how lovely!” I think, why are you on facebook doing this? Can’t you just talk to your loved one and tell them yourself?

STOP.

What do you think about facebook displays of affection?

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8 Responses to facebook displays of affection

  1. Alison says:

    I hate them, as you know! 🙂 It’s just silly. Why do you need to do that? I’ve only done one similar thing – when I posted a picture of my husband and I on his birthday and wished him a Happy Birthday. And that was rare.

    • Jessica says:

      I agree! I think what you did was cute! I think an occasional update in honor of something your spouse is good thing. I mean, we all should be able to celebrate our loved ones and have those moments with our family and friends online. It’s just the excessive posters that I have a problem with! Once a month is okay, but every day or every week? I don’t know. It’s too much! 🙂 Thank you for inspiring this post with your tweet!

  2. Only You says:

    THANK YOU for writing about this, Jessica! Yes yes yes on everything you wrote…and for a long time I thought, geez, if my husband could just brag about my cooking on FB once, just once!! Because God knows every other husband was posting pics of his wife’s dishes and talking about what an amazing cook she is. Or surprise me with jewelry that I can brag about on FB. At the same time, I found it kind of amusing/annoying to see FB friends who carried on their private conversations on FB — “Miss you!” – “Luv ya!” – “Hurry up and come back!” Is there an on-line version of “Get a room”??

    Of course, I may have leaked a post or two where I dripped something about my hubby (on our anniversary or when I was feeling guilty and grateful that he took care of me after my accident) but hopefully that did not happen a lot. At the least, I will definitely keep a close check on it from now on, as well as not care anymore that my hubby isn’t gushing over me on FB. (He too is very private…calls me his “wife” on FB when he talks about me!)

    The story about your “friend”….sometimes people do exaggerate to overcompensate for something that’s missing. That is how I read FB posts when they seem excessive about portraying some particular image…I once knew someone who talked constantly about how much he loved his wife, then a year later I heard from someone else that he was cheating on her!

    Anyway, your husband sounds like a great guy 🙂

    Cecilia

    • Jessica says:

      Your comment made me laugh! I agree with you! I think everyone should be able to share something wonderful that their spouse has done. But it’s the excessive updates that bother me and that, usually, I have learned, are indicative of an underlying issue either in the relationship or the person doing the updates. But I’m no psychologist, so don’t quote me on this. lol.

      The person you once knew and my former facebook friend…I think these stories happen often. It’s unfortunate but I think social media sometimes brings out too much ego. I think when the excessive update-rs post their updates, they do it to create a kind of life story that seems admirable and enviable. So while it may seem like they’re doing it all for the “love” of their relationship, it’s really all for their love of self. And that’s the sad part.

  3. Jacqui says:

    So true,

    I have a friend who does this and it always seems that she is trying to prove to everyone how good her relationship is. I have a times wanted my partner to write a sweet romantic message to me for all to see but he tells me he loves me in his own ways and it is even more special because no one else gets to experience that side of him and those special moments are just between us.

    some people need to remember that facebook and the like are public forums and somethings should remain private and special between two people. The other posts that annoy me are the opposite of the mushy romantic comments – the private arguments that are made public through these sites!

    • Jessica says:

      Oh, yes! The arguments are horrible, too! I hate those, especially when they’re written in what seems like “code language” that is meant for the spouse but is shared and meant to be felt and supported by everyone else!

      And I agree with you. I think there’s something more special about having a spouse who shows they love you in real life than one who doesn’t and instead write status updates online.

  4. I don’t even have on my facebook that I am married I have in a relationship never changed to married status and I have been married for over 7 yrs. I don’t need to show off but I understand some people like to shout it from the mountain tops in this case on facebook and twitter. Even instagram has a few things that shall remain nameless.

    • Jessica says:

      Yes! And shouting it from the mountains is what some people do. And I get it, I guess. I think we should all be able to share our proud love moments with those we care about, but some people can be excessive online.

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